Capitulate my mind in softer rows, I was saying. Dist-ent but it makes no sense. I could not put into words but I tried the sort of sadness I was experiencing. Not that it matters because several light years away there is going on and on the world’s star’s only last parade and people are dearing. You and I are not all that different.
Would yay did you hey would it be-be-be me-be-yourself when I was one person when I was connected with another, hey. Rise and shine.
They are all outside waiting to receive their dreams. Golden gated. I put my hand on the surface and lay still and rendered liberty insane. I did not know why I wanted to die. And I fell asleep watching the clouds above me.
Rise and shine.
There was the bottom of a train screaming above me and something had nicked my arm. And at any moment I knew I was about to be torn in half.
Blare deceive not what wanted in shay streak day voole nasa treetrunk. Minced me but did not make me a nostril. Sniffing up cocaine getting numb getting numb. I walked through doors of bathrooms without doors and reached out for people beneath me who were in my way. And everyone was in my way. Down. Reach for me down. Sing about how sad you are. Write that fucker down.
Pull off restraints if they are clawing and Vivisect divided entries who portends this fate? I Sound it Out Like Truth. What nix whale moaned deep beneath the ocean. If anything you read here is liked please remember: it is mostly completely gibberish or else… evidence that meaning exists everywhere exists everywhere nah. I am lying on my back on my way to you. Because the ground is moving. All the time. The past is going away. Again. And here is what matters this spirit may say if I dream it is there or not and reach down to see it once, Here is what matters: Your heart. Who who are are you inside? And here is what matters: this this descent is not like you I like you am losing touch with reality I like you am not myself anymore whoever I was if I would’ve evolved further might have wished I was. And none of this is about me but I am making it about me. The kind of people I respect have their own way of looking at things no matter what others think. I see the ways all the time I am not like that. There is a better sense in calling home you get to understand where you came from. And all the traumas and the good things. And if this is what it takes to continue may I wait a while before continuing? This if there were no rules a way at all like how Kafka made his sad but true parables evident. With strange words. Thinking no one would ever read him. And dying. Girls from the north country fair have gotten forgotten. I am mist it is snow waves. It gets nappy.
Ju-jitsu-justify fuck kung-fu. I like kung-fu better. Go eat your heart out.
Have a nice day and this is not like me. Truly I am much more selfish than I would ever let anyone know I am. Not that I too often give opportunities to get close. I and my own little center of the universe.
Try to belt a ray of nonsense out your mouth and let it ring. If it lands it will be somewhere else. Like the balloon from first grade. Red and a purple string. Some family from another state farther North mailed back with a kindness in words. And guess what it was mine. Out of everyone’s. This is true, how it felt like being chosen. But wanting so much since forever to see the spiritual world. It passing before my eyes and thinking I am not seeing. It showing a million signs and not reading the signs.
Boo-hoo. Look at me. God I fucking hate you.
Hey I just found a picture of you when you were like four and blowing out candles. You hid behind furniture they said you were shy. Maybe you just liked the attention but you didn’t know. For sure. I cast back bleary shadows out of my feet because I am standing now. But have not resumed walking yet. While this earth seems to stand. Still at great height. Je-Je-Je-Je-Je-Je-Jesus what is going on? With you. First person.
Stall ways if in grief there were venom aching through your lungs but do not want to write those words. Half the day sleeping half the day working barely awake. Through storehouses. Cataloguing names. Off of files behind spiders’ webs. Sense of an ending not the title but a lot like a place in your heart. Here is what matters: your heart. Do you believe you can change?
I think I really have to because. I do not like who I am. At all times. I do not know him. Debrief if ill gotten gains wait low xeroxed xeno. Gracious hellacious facts. Sounds like a fax machine the angel. I am why do I always involve me. Can you help it I don’t know. Walking through hallways. From settings to settings with the hallway its own. And dreaming always inclusive of architecture strange. Always having loved M. C. Escher. The birds ridiculous like hay breeze while knotting up the wildness of the planet. Call refrain call wait I am not home don’t delay call wait my number has changed wait your number’s been called wait it’s not you. Who was there behind yesterday? I cannot remember and I have to be grateful. This is not to say I’m not tired. Dis-zzy. Spinning in time with the ceiling fan above me so the blade I focus on looks perfectly still. As kid. falling down. Down. Down receive me. I do not want hell to exist but am afraid I must go there. If at the very least to see satan in the ninth layer freezing. With his frozen tears. Feeling he is like me. Always so focused—on himself.