Green is The Colour playing right now by Pink Ployd. On a porch in the shade.

So please rest my hand rest my heart how it beats too fast sometimes. If the cushion of a chair can hold me if I am falling please lift me up slowly and slow all this grinding to a halt that jolts up again. I am so sad and discontent I know I know there is something out there that can be right I know I don’t know what I need is to quiet my mind, please quiet my mind. Please when all is just a light fixture loudly blowing out please just hold me someone God please. I am desperate to not be here. I am desperate. If this is pain and you realize you are a selfish ass thinking it is anything if this pain can I forget about it now. I do not want to understand why. I do not want to understand. Please. Please help me out. Let red restful rest bloom across my water’s body and glint full of silt gliding down. Cup my head in a softer gravity. Cover my ears with the sounds of submerged bubbles inking. Gel for travel my arms just enough out. Scatter the sunlight in tree leaves and warm it all down. Warm me down. Push a button in my head that turns all the other buttons off. I pray in the name. Last winter the winter before. I wonder. I do not have the will to do any of this alone. And to those around me, I am like a poison. Please just let me be alone without feeling bad. Please for my self pity stop kicking me in the teeth. Please just resize the disk of my head. Please just water the noise of things down. Please as I experience them. Please let me be content with the littlest amount. Please forgive me. Please redeem me. Please give me the desire to want to find out.